Dani's Dirt

Every blog, social media training/seminar I’ve attended says “do not apologize for long absences of non blogging.” But, on the other hand I’m a chronic over apologizer… Who is needing a Segway to jump back into the blogging game.

The last few months have been a lot. A new job. Discovering I couldn’t balance the new job with the 2-3, I was already juggling as well as brandishing through newlywedness and home/farm remodel.

My busyness broke promises, missed events, didn’t answer texts, cancelled fun with friends and came across as flakey to those on the other end of my work deadlines.

Looking from the outside unto myself, I’ve watched the toll rise on my personal heath, daily tears and panic attacks from stress, none of my clothes fitting, tears and panic attacks over my clothes not fitting and pointless arguments and irritation, with my husband, stemming from my own workload of needing to do EVERYTHING myself.

The two things that personally brought me a lot of joy and pride — blogging and working out — were pushed to the side. Deemed “things I didn’t have the time or energy for since they were just for me.” When in reality both are so very important to my mental and physical health.

Outside Danielle looking in, wanted desperately to shake actual Danielle by the shoulders. “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF,” I wanted to scream at me.

“I can’t let anyone down.” “I have so much to do.” “I MUST make a good name for myself.” Was the mantra actual Danielle repeated to outside Danielle in a monotone manner.

But was I really making a good name for myself being so overbooked and busy I wasn’t getting anything of quality done on time?

And was I really being someone people could depend on?

Could I say I was enjoying each precious day I was being granted of life?

No. The answer to all three is a strong no.

This realization, means big changes need to happen for me, by me. Learning to say the word “no” to things I don’t have the time or passion for being one. Laundry, dishes and deep cleaning the kitchen and living room will no longer fall as a good reason to skip the gym, and I’m going to blog. Boy, oh boy, am I going to blog and I’m not going to fret about if the post is too long, too short, has enough photos, is entertaining enough to others — I’m just going to write.

And finally, but unarguably most important, I am going to soak up each and every second of these moments…

Until next time, friends.