What I Learned My First Two Months of Marriage

A few of you just snorted at the title, I could feel it… futuristically feel it, that is. ‘Two months little girl? Try 25 years.’ Don’t worry my marriage veterans, I’m not here to tell you I have this whole “till death do us part” thing figured out, I’m here to tell you what I’ve gotten out of it thus far. Many of the things I list now, might not be true for my marriage 6 months or 5, 10, 20 years down the line, from what I can see that’s the beauty of this roller coaster — it’s ever-changing.

So what have I learned, you may wonder? Well, even if you didn’t I’m about to tell you.Two Months

Husbands are expensive to feed — This one is no shocker, men are bottomless food pits. When I was single, living alone, my grocery bill ran about $150 per month. I rarely looked at various food prices, I didn’t have too, I’m low maintenance to feed.
Since marriage, we have to be extremely careful that it is not $100 PER WEEK. The first month I cooked something different for lunch and dinner, I was building wife points. Month two, wife points? Boy, we are cooking on a budget. Even still, the man is ALWAYS hungry AND he snacks before dinner AND he eats dessert AND he stays skinny. The last part is the one that gets me… I’m strongly considering pouring a little Ivomec down his back. Kidding, kinda. 😉 (For anyone outside of agriculture, Ivomec is a pour-on cattle dewormer.)

Baby Talk — You thought people overly asked how soon you would start trying to have a baby before marriage? Multiply that times 10 from the moment you say ‘I Do.’ But it is no longer just family and friends bringing up offspring. You find yourself talking about it more than you ever thought. Not in a ‘let’s have a baby soon’ way, but just curious about them — who they may look like, act like, their interests, who they will become. But let’s not get to carried away here, every talk about offspring is ended with “Not. Anytime. Soon.” or “Practice makes perfect, and let’s aim for perfection.”

Speaking of practice…

Interrupted *cough* ‘Playtime’ — “Hey, the newlyweds are probably having sex right now, let’s call to chat and/or go visit them.” Okay, maybe that isn’t peoples exact train of thought… but it seems that way. It never fails our cell phones start ringing, or the doorbell starts chiming. The bad thing about the doorbell is, that one can’t be avoided. We live on a busy road, practically in town, the three vehicles we own are all parked outside, in front of the house, there might as well be a damn billboard saying WE ARE HOME.
To add flame to the fire, our home is very small, so sneaking around inside is not an option. So let’s just say if newlywed things are happening in the back of the house when the doorbell rings, and clothes were left in the front of the house with all the windows, you’re up a creek. That leaves the person who has an extra pair of clothes on the floor or in the laundry to answer the door and visit, leaving the other person stranded in the back until visitors leave. Somehow, I’m always the one stranded, and My Someone is a talker, so that means I’m stranded for awhile. On the plus side, this is usually the perfect time to paint nails.
My nails are pretty much always painted the last two months.

Men are Messy — When I first met My Someone he told me how in college the house of women he lived with were incredibly messy, how he and the one other male in the house were always the ones to clean, and how he couldn’t stand a dirty house.
Now, as his wife, I’ve discovered he totally lied. There is a reason he is always the one to have clothes nearby when the above scenario happens, because I put mine away. He is also a farmer, hunter and roper. Meaning the amount of manure, ammunition and gloves I clean up is redonkulous. It’s like living with Pig Pen from the Peanuts.

You Become ‘That Wife’ — You know, the one you said you’d never be. The one who hasn’t worn makeup all week, the one sporting yoga pants and her husbands oversized tee.
I work from home, it’s been a long winter, <insert many more excuses here> as to why camouflage moccasins, yoga pants and a Murray State (My Someone’s Alma Mater) t-shirt are now considered acceptable Tuesday attire.
Sure Danielle, just keep telling yourself that is ‘acceptable.’

And while we’re on Murray State t-shirts…

You Inherit a Whole New Wardrobe — What’s yours is mine, and holy comfiness! I suddenly have a huge selection of t-shirts, hoodies and lounge pants. It’s glorious!

Showering Together is not Like a Nicholas Sparks Novel — Who needs a steamy make out session when you can style your wife’s shampoo-laden hair like a Who from Whoville or use your husband’s face as a target for shooting water through your front teeth.
When our maturity level isn’t that of Kindergarteners, it is the polar opposite. The shower for some reason has become the meeting place of serious conversations and financial decisions. Because doesn’t everyone get hit with, “I have to go to Frankfort next week for a meeting,” or “I’ve picked out a group of heifers I need you to approve before we buy,” while shaving their legs?
Oh and you don’t have to guess about when these ‘shower meetings’ will be happening, because “HEY! I’M TAKING A SHOWER NOW” is commonly yelled through our home, and just in case you can’t hear the yelling, a text message will soon follow.

Money is not Sexy — During our pre-marital counseling, there was this whole lessen on how “money can be sexy if you’re constantly communicating with your spouse.” Well, no offense to the Catholic church or Dave Ramsey, but we communicate daily about our finances and I have yet to see the turn on. Money is not sexy to newlyweds, because newlyweds don’t have money. Maybe if they offered a course on “Sexy financial planning for beginning ranchers,” then I’d find the appeal. Wait, never mind, that whole sentence is an oxymoron.

The Idea You Have of Buying Your First Home Changes — We currently live in a rent house on my in-laws land. Which has been incredibly helpful, but being the independent driven duo we are, the search for something to call our own began the moment we were pronounced man and wife. During that search we found land, and with that I kissed goodbye the dream of a cute starter home with a two car garage and hello to the prospect of a 1991 single wide trailer.
The last time I lived in a single wide, I was four years old in the swamps of southern Louisiana. The floor of the entire place was slanted, and at night, my parents had to carry my sister and I from the car to the house on their shoulders, since the gators would sleep, hiding beneath the a dense layer of fog, on the banks close by.
So, judging from my personal experience, I wasn’t real keen on the idea at first. But as the reality of our bank account set in, a little pin-spiration on home remodeling and the realization of the lack of gators in western Kentucky, I began to sing a different tune — one that is much more accepting of being the Queen of my own single wide.

Before you get married, everyone tells you what marriage will be like at first. That you will be broke, that you get to know your significant other on a whole other level, and if they weren’t before, they will truly become your best friend. However, until you experience it yourself, you can’t fully understand what others have said. Marriage is messy, chaotic, fun and amazing. One thing I have learned to be most true in the past two months is that there is no one else I could imagine sharing this crazy adventure with.

And on that note, I will leave you with this…

27 responses to “What I Learned My First Two Months of Marriage”

  1. Great Post!!!! I laughed and loved it and how true it all is. Especially that last bit – it IS amazing how your ideas of a house will change. I think we would settle for anything that we could call our own at this point and time. Again great post and congrats to the both of you!

    • Thank you!!! I definitely feel you on “settle for anything we could call our own.” We all have to start somewhere, right? lol

  2. Fantastic! Love hearing about your newlywed exploits….and there’s nothing wrong with living in a trailer. After all, a home is not a building, it’s a place filled with family and love….you two could live in a blanket tent and make it a home. ❤

  3. Oh honey, I am rolling with laughter at this. Bravo for your bravery and ‘laying it all out there.’ Although, you are going to have to be the queen of a different country of single wides – I’ve had that title for 3 years, lol 😉

    Congrats on two months – hope you continue to enjoy it and grow in your marriage!

    • I have no filter sometimes, I did have Daniel proofread this one before I posted it, just to make sure he was okay with me being so… blunt. lol

      Because it’s you, I will demote myself to ‘princess of my single wide,’ will that work?

      And, thank you!

  4. You weave a wonderful story. Thanks for sharing your heart and soul. Your humor was the perfect way to start my day.
    Congratulations and here’s to many, many, many more.
    signed, Miss Daleen (and Mr. Right and I will celebrate year 32 tomorrow)
    ps. Marriage is still messy, chaotic, fun and amazing, even after this many months!

    • Thank you so much Miss Daleen! I loved your anniversary post by the way! Sorry I’m just getting a chance to tell you. Happy 32 years to you!

  5. Bahaha, I love this sooo much! And as normal, I feel like maybe you read my mind at times. We also live in a rental place on the inlaws land, and I’m hear to tell you much of this doesn’t change much 🙂

    Almost five years in, you can still pretty much bet if there is nookie going on anytime during the day, the father-in-law will show up at the front door or the people you rent pasture land from will call and say the cows are out.

    Men stay expensive to feed, but eventually will start to gain weight as well and it will make you (ashamedly) happy. And they don’t get much cleaner either, but their tshirts keep their appeal. Money won’t ever get sexy, at least I don’t think so, I feel like we are still as broke as we were five years ago!

    And I decided a LONG time ago that I would just be happy with any house at all, if it was only on land that was close enough/the right kind/affordable – but I’m still sometimes a bit bitter towards people who actually get choices in their housing other than house/no house!

    • Thanks Jamie! Your comment is fantastic, I’m so glad you’ve had the same experiences. Ha!

    • Thank you! You are totally right, yoga pants=sexy. Well, at least I can agree with that when the only mirror we have in the house is a small medicine cabinet one that hangs high enough I can’t see how wide they make my rear look. 🙂

  6. This is awesome! My fiancé and I are both Murray State Alum. It was great to read this so close to our marriage and because it reminds us of home!

  7. Hilarious! Great post Danielle! Still after 10 years of marriage every one of these are true for us! The grocery bill only gets worse, the yoga pants have become an almost every day occurrence unless I actually have to leave the house, and your husband wardrobe becomes even more important when that is the only thing you can fit into when you are 9 months pregnant! I am finally moving out of my cute little starter house next month into our dream home, and the bedroom or shower playtime interruptions also only get worse. Soon you will have your child standing next to you asking why Daddy is squishing you, telling your in-laws about the noises, or that Mommy and Daddy showered together this morning. So hold on to every moment and enjoy them, because what happens now will shape the next 10 years of your marriage!

    • Your comment cracked me up — Oh the things I have to look forward too. Thanks, Bekah!

  8. Just, aww.

    I am sure you hear this often, but you guys are so cute.

    I love how well of a picture you painted. Marriage is definitely not this picture perfect fairy tell we all dream about, but how boring would that be?

    I am so with you on the home attire……… I bought a bunch of cute, matching pajamas before I got married and they still all have the tags on them to this day. It’s Walmart sweat pants and an old Purdue tshirt to bed every night for this girl. Why not? My husband sleeps in his boxers… how is that fair? I think as long as you can be comfortable with yourself, you’re going to be comfortable with your spouse!

    Now, as far as the kid talk………… that’s like the unspoken of topic in our house. He’s ready. I’m not. So, it’s easier for us to just continue being the newlyweds! Although, are your relatives and friends driving you nuts with the baby talk, yet? Mine have since the day we got married……. and it never lets up.

    Keep on sharing your life, girl………. you’re funny. And witty. I had a feeling that once the wedding hustle and bustle was over, you’re blog would take off!

    Enjoy the newlywed life… hope to meet you crazy kids someday 🙂

    • Thank you so much Kelly!! Why is it that men are always the first ones to be all about starting a family?! I thought we were supposed to be the super maternal, baby fever-crazed one, but everyone I’ve talked to married w/o children has said exactly what you just did. lol

      We are definitely loving newlywed-bliss… Hope our paths cross someday, as well!

  9. Oh my goodness. I cracked up the entire time I read this! I just know that this is going to be me soon. Except I’ve already inherited clothing that has “shrunk” and I learned long ago that showering with a 6’5″ guy was going to require a MUCH bigger shower than I have ever had.

    As far as the single-wide? Don’t worry about it. I’m sure you will accept it in fine fashion!

    Thanks for keeping it real! 🙂

    • Thanks Mandy!! Holy goodness, 6’5? Yeah, I could see where that would be difficult. Mine’s is just 5’10… Standard size shower works for us, now if I could just convince him to install a second shower head, we’d be golden.

  10. HA this was so funny! Moving in January, I am able to relate to many of these. Thanks for the giggle.

  11. Love this. Celebrating 18 yrs of marriage this summer to my sweetheart. We were married 10 days after my 19th birthday. I loooove the part about showering together! It gets even more “fun” when kids come along. It’s an ordeal to bathe little ones so we would shower with the babies so we could get done faster! We were a well oiled machine:)

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