Dani's Dirt

If you’re a personal Facebook friend on mine, you might have seen me say something about a blog post I’d be doing today. Well, in typical Danielle fashion, I changed my mind, and decided to write this instead.

So I attended my first Catholic wedding… I’ve always heard rumors, then when I started dating My Someone I began hearing tales of what their Catholic weddings were like. I’m pretty excited that the family I’m marrying into is fun to the tenth power. They are also large — large, as in they breed like bunnies — expressive — expressive, as in everyone talks at the same time — and they all have a lot to say.

Anyway, back on subject. My Someone was a groomsman, one of 11 groomsmen, (there were 12 bridesmaids) he had the rough job of riding around in a party bus and hanging out at the church, drinking beer all day. (Poor guy, he really suffered, Ha!) So since he was tied up, Yoda ended up being the one left as my date.

Yoda and I arrived at the church 30 minutes early. Me, being used too my family’s weddings where everyone doesn’t arrive till time for the ceremony to begin, thought being that early would give me plenty of time to paint my nails in the parking lot.

Wrong.

30 minutes early and the parking lot was filling up fast, and the line to get into the church was beginning to wrap around the side.

“Save us a seat!!” Yoda yelled out the window to his parents. “Danielle has to paint her nails.”

He parked the truck and I got ‘the look’ the one that says, “move it or lose it sista.” Hurriedly, I slapped one coat of University of Kentucky blue on my nails and jumped out of the truck.

“If you’re going to be my date, you’ve got to slow your gait, this is the first time I’ve been out of cowboy boots in a while.” I said while awkwardly trying to keep up with Yoda in 5 in. heels.

As we waited in line to get into the ceremony, Yoda made a remark over the line being a cattle call, so naturally, I moo’ed in response. All that got me was a large group of people starring in my direction. So much for first impressions…

We made it to our seats, and the ceremony began. It was a workout. Up. Down. Up. Down. Step out of aisle to let everyone take communion, step in aisle let everyone get seated. Up. Down. Up. Down. It was also an hour long. To give you an idea what I come from wedding wise, if it’s longer than 20 minutes the natives get restless.

All joking aside, it was a beautiful ceremony, and completely encompassed building the foundation of marriage. The whole thing actually made me excited that it was partly what I have to look forward too for my own wedding. (Without mass, that is.)

The reception was at another location, and Yoda and I found ourselves, once again, in a long line.

Once the party started, traditions began to show themselves on the dance floor… I’ve been hearing for months now about this “Rollin’ on the River” thing they do, but it took seeing it in person for me to fully understand.

The whole family lays on the dance floor for the song “Rollin on the River” and every time ‘rollin’ is sang, they all roll. It. was. epic. I tried to video, but my video only shows a small portion of the people on the ground and just gives a small peak into what goes on…

So now that the last part of the title has been explained, you may be wondering how Miley Cyrus and Janet Jackson come into play… I learned something new about my fiance this weekend, as anyone on the south end of the dance floor is my witness, with enough alcohol, even My Someone “Can’t stop” and “Won’t Stop” as he channeled his inner Miley and Twerked …and he was actually good at it.

Now, that might seem like something that would get me in trouble for writing, but the most embarrassing moment of the night belongs to Yours Truly.

I had a Janet Jackson moment.

Like wardrobe malfunction with Justin Timberlake, at the Superbowl, moment.

You see, My Someone and I were one of the few (Yoda being the only other) who knew how to Oklahoma swing dance. So as country song, after country song was played, our moves began to attract quite the audience. Cheers and compliments thrown in our direction, we were feeling pretty good about ourselves.

Then My Someone got a little ambitious.

He picked up speed on the turns, went to try something fancy we hadn’t done that night, I missed his the signal, he missed my hand, ended up with my dress and up it went. Exposing my nether regions to all watching.

I. Could. Have. Died.

My face turned crimson, I yanked my dress back into place. My Someone looked like he had swallowed a bag of lemons, partly as a result of the laser beams I was attempting to bore into his head with my eyes.

However, unlike Hollywood, I do wear undergarments. So all anyone saw were my spanx, which had of course bundled up into an even more unflattering position.

The stars were not in aligned in my favor that night. But even in the midst of my embarrassment, it was still ranked high on one of the most fun weddings I’ve attended. It also concreted the fact that I’m marrying into one pretty amazing family.

Have you ever had an embarrassing moment while attending a wedding? Does your family have a fun tradition like “Rollin on the River? I want to hear about it…

*Disclaimer* This post is meant all in good fun.