Janet, Miley and Rollin’ on the River

If you’re a personal Facebook friend on mine, you might have seen me say something about a blog post I’d be doing today. Well, in typical Danielle fashion, I changed my mind, and decided to write this instead.

So I attended my first Catholic wedding… I’ve always heard rumors, then when I started dating My Someone I began hearing tales of what their Catholic weddings were like. I’m pretty excited that the family I’m marrying into is fun to the tenth power. They are also large — large, as in they breed like bunnies — expressive — expressive, as in everyone talks at the same time — and they all have a lot to say.

Anyway, back on subject. My Someone was a groomsman, one of 11 groomsmen, (there were 12 bridesmaids) he had the rough job of riding around in a party bus and hanging out at the church, drinking beer all day. (Poor guy, he really suffered, Ha!) So since he was tied up, Yoda ended up being the one left as my date.

Yoda and I arrived at the church 30 minutes early. Me, being used too my family’s weddings where everyone doesn’t arrive till time for the ceremony to begin, thought being that early would give me plenty of time to paint my nails in the parking lot.

Wrong.

30 minutes early and the parking lot was filling up fast, and the line to get into the church was beginning to wrap around the side.

“Save us a seat!!” Yoda yelled out the window to his parents. “Danielle has to paint her nails.”

He parked the truck and I got ‘the look’ the one that says, “move it or lose it sista.” Hurriedly, I slapped one coat of University of Kentucky blue on my nails and jumped out of the truck.

“If you’re going to be my date, you’ve got to slow your gait, this is the first time I’ve been out of cowboy boots in a while.” I said while awkwardly trying to keep up with Yoda in 5 in. heels.

As we waited in line to get into the ceremony, Yoda made a remark over the line being a cattle call, so naturally, I moo’ed in response. All that got me was a large group of people starring in my direction. So much for first impressions…

We made it to our seats, and the ceremony began. It was a workout. Up. Down. Up. Down. Step out of aisle to let everyone take communion, step in aisle let everyone get seated. Up. Down. Up. Down. It was also an hour long. To give you an idea what I come from wedding wise, if it’s longer than 20 minutes the natives get restless.

Yoda and I. My cell phone photos only got more special as the night went on.

Yoda and I. My cell phone photos only got more special as the night went on.

All joking aside, it was a beautiful ceremony, and completely encompassed building the foundation of marriage. The whole thing actually made me excited that it was partly what I have to look forward too for my own wedding. (Without mass, that is.)

The reception was at another location, and Yoda and I found ourselves, once again, in a long line.

We were actually pretty close to the front.

We were actually pretty close to the front.

Once the party started, traditions began to show themselves on the dance floor… I’ve been hearing for months now about this “Rollin’ on the River” thing they do, but it took seeing it in person for me to fully understand.

The whole family lays on the dance floor for the song “Rollin on the River” and every time ‘rollin’ is sang, they all roll. It. was. epic. I tried to video, but my video only shows a small portion of the people on the ground and just gives a small peak into what goes on…

My Someone and the bride (his cousin)

My Someone and the bride (his cousin)

So now that the last part of the title has been explained, you may be wondering how Miley Cyrus and Janet Jackson come into play… I learned something new about my fiance this weekend, as anyone on the south end of the dance floor is my witness, with enough alcohol, even My Someone “Can’t stop” and “Won’t Stop” as he channeled his inner Miley and Twerked …and he was actually good at it.

Now, that might seem like something that would get me in trouble for writing, but the most embarrassing moment of the night belongs to Yours Truly.

I had a Janet Jackson moment.

Like wardrobe malfunction with Justin Timberlake, at the Superbowl, moment.

You see, My Someone and I were one of the few (Yoda being the only other) who knew how to Oklahoma swing dance. So as country song, after country song was played, our moves began to attract quite the audience. Cheers and compliments thrown in our direction, we were feeling pretty good about ourselves.

Then My Someone got a little ambitious.

He picked up speed on the turns, went to try something fancy we hadn’t done that night, I missed his the signal, he missed my hand, ended up with my dress and up it went. Exposing my nether regions to all watching.

I. Could. Have. Died.

My face turned crimson, I yanked my dress back into place. My Someone looked like he had swallowed a bag of lemons, partly as a result of the laser beams I was attempting to bore into his head with my eyes.

However, unlike Hollywood, I do wear undergarments. So all anyone saw were my spanx, which had of course bundled up into an even more unflattering position.

The stars were not in aligned in my favor that night. But even in the midst of my embarrassment, it was still ranked high on one of the most fun weddings I’ve attended. It also concreted the fact that I’m marrying into one pretty amazing family.

Before the hot mess express arrived.

Before the hot mess express arrived.

And then after Miley and Janet made their appearance, with the bride and groom.

And then after Miley and Janet made their appearance, with the bride and groom.

Have you ever had an embarrassing moment while attending a wedding? Does your family have a fun tradition like “Rollin on the River? I want to hear about it…

*Disclaimer* This post is meant all in good fun.

15 thoughts on “Janet, Miley and Rollin’ on the River

  1. Jennifer Dewey Rohrich says:

    Surprisingly, my entire in-law family is catholic and yet I have yet to attend a Catholic wedding. I have, on the other hand, attended many Catholic funerals. I don’t know what that means.. But anyway, it IS a lot of up/downs and things I am not really familiar with. But I just go with the flow!

    One thing that was totally foreign to me when I moved here were how weddings are LITERALLY town events. As in the entire town is basically invited. They are like 400-500 people events because let’s face it, on a given weekend night, there’s not much to do here. Most people usually don’t attend the church service but the supper and wedding dance, you betcha (there’s the north dakotan coming out in me!). Where I was from 200 people was a big wedding and you only came if you got an invitation, it wasn’t like a town free for all.

    They also do some interesting things here that I am not familiar with when it comes to weddings. For example, instead of throwing the garter which I am familiar with. They instead sell the garter. As in our favorite town auctioneer literally holds your garter and when people bid, they throw money into the hat for the bride and groom. I guess it’s the North Dakota version of the dollar dance? When it first happened when we were at a wedding, I was literally taken off guard… Like what in the world is going on? And of course, my husband thought I was crazy for not knowing what was going on. It is also a common practice for the bride and groom to serve a second meal at midnight. Usually sandwiches or something small. Now THIS I thought was a great idea! What better way to send a group of drunk people home than with food!

    Here they also spend Sunday opening wedding gifts and it is an event that people who were invited to the wedding attend. I am so glad that this didn’t happen at our wedding because having to open gifts at my bridal shower in front of people was awkward enough. Anyway, those are my North Dakota wedding versus California wedding traditions.. Are any of those Midwestern traditions or am I right in thinking that North Dakotans do things unlike anyone else!? LOL!

    • High Heels & Shotgun Shells says:

      Aye yi yi, I don’t know if I’d Chive well with the whole town free for all thing. Someone else commented about the garter auction, which I have never heard of. We just throw it… Kinda boring. Again, never seen a second meal served, BUT at my sister’s wedding, after a lot of guests left, we opened up the food again and everyone had seconds. It was a great way lessen the load of leftovers and refuel to continue the party. 😉

      A lot of people here do open their gifts the morning after the wedding, but only immediate family attends that. lol

      Sounds like y’alls weddings are an entire weekend event!

    • High Heels & Shotgun Shells says:

      Lol of course you can love it Laurie! If I’m going to publicly embarrass myself, might as well share it for the world to enjoy.

  2. Kacie says:

    Danielle I know we have never actually met, but I have to say that I love this story. As being David’s (Yoda’s) BFF and having my family spread far and wide, I have attended a bunch of Hayden holiday gatherings and love them all like they are my own. I am sad that I could not attend the wedding, but I feel i have to tell you about the gift exchange at the Hayden’s. It usually starts out by me arriving to OB, KY the day before or morning of with my gift in-tow while your Someone and Yoda have not even thought about gifts for nearly anyone. Your Someone usually gives Yoda and I some money and we head to town to start the gathering process. Our yearly stops always include Walmart for gift cards, Hickory park for mutton sandwiches, groceries for Mama Hayden, Kohls, Best Buy, Lowe’s for the manly gift exchange, and the liquor store to gather adult beverages for the weekend. Once we arrive home, the boys usually try to con myself or Mama Hayden to wrap their gifts. Usually the con-artistry works because they run out the door to get chores done and get cleaned up just in time to leave for the holiday happening.

    I have started to look forward to the gift exchange every year because it is very entertaining. The men all gather in the living room and draw numbers to determine the picking/stealing order. The rounds don’t really interesting until several of the “hot ticket” items have been opened. It never fails these include ratchet straps, shop vacs, various tools, flash lights, hunting gear, etc. The men folk then start forming alliances to steal the desired gifts and that’s when the trash talking begins and their true colors are shown. After the men finish, it’s the women’s turn. Typically the animal instinct doesn’t quite show through like it does for the men, but it is still a good time. Every year there are a few items that require some strategic planning if you want to bring it home.

    I look forward to this event every year, and wouldn’t change a thing about it!

    • High Heels & Shotgun Shells says:

      Kacie! Thanks so much for sharing your story! It made me smile. I’ve heard something similar, but it’s the boys version… Which even though I don’t actually know you, I feel yours is more accurate, they are kinda helpless. Especially mine.

      I’ll be there this year for a couple of the Hayden holiday events. Looking forward to meeting you! You’ll have to show me the ropes. 🙂

  3. Elizabeth Martin says:

    My husband was in your shoes lol – I’m Catholic from a big Catholic family – the summer we were engaged he ran the gauntlet of Catholic Weddings with me…at least 5, 3 of which had full mass. (Ours was not a full mass).

    I’ve only attended a handful of “non-Catholic” weddings. After they are over I’m like “that’s it?”.

    • High Heels & Shotgun Shells says:

      Oh. My. Goodness. That’s a lot of weddings to break him into, but Catholic weddings are definitely not boring. lol

      Funny you should say that, I told my fiance wedding ceremonies where I’m from are usually 15 minutes TOPS, and he was like “WHAT? Why? That’s weird.” So needless to say, ours is going to be a little longer than what I’m use too. 😉

  4. Crystal Cattle says:

    Love you hair and necklace. You looked great. We’ve been too a bunch of Catholic weddings this year. The other thing is for them all being Catholic weddings they seem to vary a lot!

    • High Heels & Shotgun Shells says:

      Thank you and Thank you! Since my first one was an extremely traditional one, I’m excited to attend more and see the variance.

  5. Val - Corn, Beans, Pigs & Kids says:

    Love the post! I laughed out loud when you talked about your Janet incident!

    As for Catholic weddings, I’ll agree with others, they really do vary on length but we always joke about Catholic weddings being long. In our area if both the bride and groom are Catholic then there is a pretty good chance there will be communion. But if only one is Catholic (which rarely happens because if that is the original case then the someone who isn’t Catholic usually converts) they don’t have communion. And yes, there is a lot of standing and sitting but I’ve always found it interesting that for both my husband and I, for Catholic weddings we’ve been a part of, the wedding party including the bride and groom will go up and down and then protestant weddings we’ve been apart of, the wedding party stands for the entire ceremony. A funny side note, during one of the Catholic weddings my husband was in, the neighboring groomsman almost fainted during the service and my husband could tell he wasn’t doing well, so he slid him some beef jerky he’d stashed in his coat. Good thing my husband was planning on a long wedding service and decided to bring snacks!

    As for traditions, people in our area will either do the garter toss or they will auction off the garter, and always toss the bouquet. I’d say it is also tradition to open gifts the following day with at least your immediate family, sometimes including your wedding party too. And of course you’ve got to save the top of your wedding cake for your one year wedding anniversary! (Word to the wise, we first saran wrapped and then aluminum foil covered ours and it was delicious a year later!)

    • High Heels & Shotgun Shells says:

      Okay first, thank you so much for the advice on saving your cake for a year later! I have heard so many people tell me theirs didn’t make it. So I will have to try it your way.

      What I’ve loved about the conversation from this post is that apparently a lot of my readers are Catholic. It is so awesome to hear opinions of others on Protestant wedding ceremonies, and to hear differences on Catholic ceremonies. I’m obviously use to Protestant ceremonies, so I told all my bridesmaids to make sure their shoes were comfortable… Unknown to me, that they would be sitting for part of our ceremony. (Since it will be half Catholic.) Ha!

      I saw a couple other people mention the auctioning off the garter, and I have never seen that, which makes me wonder if it is a regional tradition.

  6. Denise Hisey says:

    What a hilarious story!! I got quite the visual 🙂

    I’ll second the advice about saving your wedding cake top for your anniversary. My husband and I did this, as did both our kids. We all thought it was pretty neat!

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