Dani's Dirt

Ag Nerds… I’m sure you’ve seen them. They are people who’s eyes light up when USDA releases new crop reports, those who can talk in vivid detail about the new iPhone app they just downloaded that brings EPD (Expected Progeny Differences) results right to them, or those who have ever posted or framed pictures involving farm equipment.

I, Danielle Beard, am an Ag Nerd.

I’m not ashamed to admit it. We come in all shapes, sizes, forms, and varied ag interests, but we exist. Feel free to search the #AgNerd hashtag on Twitter or Instagram for further research on this group of people, I’m proud to be a member of, a little further.

I realized here recently my views, as well as some of my friends personal views on dating, marriage, and reproduction reflect our Ag nerdiness. To give y’all a little insight on how an Ag Nerd’s mind works I decided to break it down into conversation excerpts I’ve been a part of recently.

Dating

• After arriving home from a date about a month ago, my dad, inquisitive as always, asks, “So do you see a second date with this one.” To which I responded, “I’m not sure, I mean he’s a really nice guy, and very polite, but we disagree on a couple of issues I’m not sure if I can look past.” My dad assuming I’m referring to possible religious or political differences asks me to explain what I mean. “Dad,” I said, “He doesn’t share my views on pasture rotation, as a matter of fact, he strongly believes the opposite of me. That’s a deal breaker.” My dad looked at me like I was joking, (I wasn’t, one of my few moments of seriousness.) and then bursts out laughing.

• Dating is like picking a bull for a heifer. You want to know how big of a calf they are going to throw before you pick them. Ladies, my advice is this: before you get serious with any guy, find out how much he weighed at birth. Let that one soak in…

Marriage

• I didn’t actually have any Ag views on marriage when I started writing this so I sent out a text to some fellow Ag Nerd’s asking how they felt about marriage. I was not disappointed when Yoda responded with this little jewel: “Marriage is like cow manure. You smell it from a mile away and know its right around the corner, but you end up stepping in it anyway.”

• My parents may be slightly convinced they are never going to marry me off, so I wasn’t particularly surprised when I found my dad negotiating an arranged marriage for me via Facebook. At least he took me seriously about my stance on pasture rotation.

Babies (aka “Half-you’s)

• A couple of days ago during a conversation with several friends about “baby fever” Yoda pipes up to say, “Y’all (women folk) run the cow/calf portion of the operation and send ’em to the guys, and we’ll feed ’em out. They must be in working shape and potty trained.” Because of the women we are, Gray replies with, “Are we the cows in this situation?” To which I responded, “Technically we’re heifers.“

(Do you see why I call him Yoda now? He’s very insightful, not green.)

Are you an Ag Nerd? Or do you have a twist on dating, marriage, or babies? If so, please share, I’d love to hear it.