Dani's Dirt

Two nights ago marked my first night in Middle-of-Corn, KS, to say I was terrified would be an understatement. After shoving a dining room chair up against my bedroom door, building a pillow castle around me, arming myself with a curtain rod and pulling the covers over my head I was finally able to fall asleep.

Yes… I did just say a curtain rod. After posting a similar version of the above story as my Facebook status yesterday I received several comments regarding my chosen weapon, and its inability to actually cause any damage in the event of an intruder. Well what my Facebook friends and family did not know was the thought I had put behind wielding my chestnut colored decorator rod.

First the door to my workout/shoe room was left open, with the light on, (my workout room consists of only a punching bag, its stand, and my very extensive shoe collection—every woman’s dream right?) a friend had told me this just might make an intruder slow down and think before “It” (I refuse to give my imaginary intruder a gender.) reached my bedroom door. At this time I figured I’d leap out of my bed wielding my decorator rod like a light saber, defeating my enemy and escaping in my getaway vibe. Sounds like the perfect plan? Apparently things don’t actually play out like I plan them to, so I took my Aunt Sharon’s advice and traveled to Walmart after work yesterday to purchase a baseball bat.

Being the woman I am, I could not make myself justify spending much money on a baseball bat I would most likely never actually use, then suddenly the heavens opened and shined down on a hot pink T-ball bat marked down to nine dollars. Of course I snatched it up, paid for my prize at the cash register and headed home.

At home later in the evening I realized this bat, with its flashy tattoo-like markings was not my style at all…. So I “Danielle’d” it

I have a weakness for hunting camouflage. Especially good-looking guys wearing it…. *Mind drifts off*

Add a little sparkle and Bam!

You have a bat suitable for a single woman’s personal protection and approved by “Backwoods Barbies” across this great U S of A.

Until next time!

Dani B. out